Managing perfectionism

Managing Perfectionism-by Carly Rizzo

Perfectionism is a state of “doing,” which can be mentally and physically exhausting. Presence is a state of “being,” which can be grounding and feel uncomfortable for people who have perfectionistic tendencies, as this enables them to stop “doing” and sit with their thoughts and feelings.

When thoughts and/or feelings of needing to be perfect come about, it can be deeply distressing—causing a cascade of emotions such as anxiety, depression, agitation, and overwhelm. These thoughts, often automatic, can stem from messaging received in early childhood from a parent or caregiver. The fear and/or anxiety of not meeting someone else’s expectations or your own expectations has the ability to negatively impact one’s self-concept, often exacerbating feelings of inadequacy and low self-worth.

When striving to meet expectations, try asking yourself who/where did these expectations come from? Whose voice is telling me to meet these expectations? Is this in the interest of myself or someone else? Do I want to spend my time doing this? Is this energy boosting or energy draining?

Perfectionism is like a double-edged sword. At times, it can feel helpful in achieving and accomplishing goals. Other times, falling short of perfect can feel intolerable, coinciding with beliefs such as “I’m a failure,” “I’m incompetent,” and “I’m not good enough.” These beliefs can fuel ongoing anxiety and contribute to depressive moods. Recognizing when helpful becomes synonymous with hurtful can be difficult, and letting go of the idea of perfection isn’t easy—it’s served a vital, protective role in your life.

Discover how to manage perfectionism, learn what works best for you, and feel free to contact us to learn more!